Bungled Weekly Update: 20/05/2011
It is with deep sadness and regret that these words have come to your eye sockets. It’s with a heavy heart, including an Urk-shaped hole, that I must confess this is the last time we’ll come together like this. It may only be the second BUNGLE Weekly Update, but it is also the last. Whilst Urk will sweep down from his Ivory Tower next week to restore love, hope and peace upon the world, we will be banished forever to the shadows of the forgotten past.
It’s almost enough for us to reach for the razor blade and wrist combo. Almost. As we look for the world’s smallest violin to play us out, it turns out there’s actually stuff worth talking about!
June Matchmaking Update Preview
Following in the footsteps of the January, February, March, April and May updates comes the unexpected and shockingly titled June Matchmaking update. Bet you didn’t see that coming! This June, BUNGLE is going to blast a whole load of change across your weary face. Some significant changes are coming to a certain playlist that are long overdue. And other playlisty stuff. Nothing here is official until the real professionals say so, but we’ve got a Magic 8-Ball, and we’re not afraid to use it. And we’re not liars. Promise.
Fighting Fire with… Words
Looks like old dad Ghaleon’s Firefight ramblings weren’t as incoherent as we initially suspected. Some Firefight modes can expect to see some minor tweaks here and there. Whilst details are yet to be talked about, it’s safe to say that if you fancy using a jetpack to idle or take pride in being a team killing pro, there are dark times ahead for you.
Team Objective and Flag games are the big focus for the June update. There are some significant changes coming to the thirteen people who only vote Objective gametypes. The biggest change deserves a drumroll. But we can’t afford drums here. Or sound.
Bugger off Drop Shield! This might be the most unwanted change to ever grace Halo matchmaking and BUNGLE are prepared to recieve some serious negative feedback. The Drop Shield has evolved to become a crucial corner stone in every Objective game, particularly Flag games. It’s as important as the Needler. Or the Spiker. In removing the Drop Shield from all objective games across all playlists (bar MLG, who have demanded Drop Shield loadouts in all MLG gametypes from June onwards), BUNGLE recognises that an important component of the Reach sandbox is being kicked out from beneath you. Sometimes change for the sake of change is good. Like really good. So bad that it becomes good. You’ll hate BUNGLE for a while. Maybe forever. Tough it up. You’ll get through through it like a hacker and Sony security.
In addition to the removal of the Drop Shield, Team Objective may be receiving a number of significant removals of its own. There’s a fair chance that someone sat down in the BUNGLE control room and accidentally hit the DELETE key a few times, and we’re covering up the mess by pretending it’s entirely intentional. Nah, that wouldn’t happen.
Players racing into Team Objective to play on Hemorrage will be severely disappointed. Other players hoping to play Stockpile, Hot Potato and Headhunter will be adding precious volumes of bitter tears to the river of sorrow that nourishes the Team Objective plains. So long, and thanks for all the fish!
Some MLG-Pro wannabe’s have been complaining non-stop about not being able to return flags. It appears that something has been preventing the Flag return radius from working correctly during matches. Not anymore.
Finally, we all love the dramatic tension long Flag return times produce in games on small maps. Well, steel yourselves for severe disappointment. It’s being shortened from fifteen seconds to ten seconds. Why? Because someone loves that angry look you do so well. There it is again! So cute. <3
There’s more stuff to come for sure, but that’s for the adults to tell you about. They don’t lie. They don’t use magic balls, either. Completely untrustworthy and shady characters they are.
Rumours start off small. You hear a whisper here, a whistle there. The details are often vague or contradictory. Then things start to click. Stories bleed into one another. A small katamari starts to rolls things into one big coherent story.
Some punk ass kid can’t drop this story. Dummy companies. Sneaky t-shirts and hidden icons. Conspiraces and global domination. It feels like a nerdier Dan Brown novel come to life. Shoot for the stars, miss and you’ll hit the moon. Keep on the trail, internet detectives! It is your Destiny!
BUNGLE doesn’t support tournaments. Tournaments are for losers. All this uniting together and fighting for honour and glory, being proud of your community and love and peace is just sickening.
It may not be PAX levels of cool, but the cross-community tournament is heating up to be the ultimate showdown of Halo dongmanship this side of the Rapture. (Remember to leave your pets with a trustworthy athiest before tomorrow!)
We eargerly await to see who emerges from the compeition pit, beaten and bloody with the scars and bruises of a thousand pounding dongs. We’ll laugh at them. Maybe giggle.
Super Jackpot weekend starts now and runs until Sunday Night! Play and complete games in LIVING DEAD for a chance to win a daily Super Jackpot of 13,000 Credits! Mindless fun, spawn camping, instant kills. PURE HALO!!!1
The following playlists are currently offering Double Jackpots all week long!
- – The Arena
- – Squad Slayer
- – Defiant Map Pack
- – Doubles Attack
Not much of a bomb this week. Or an explosion. Or anything really. Guess there’s not much space to fill. Fret not, we’re sure ample space will be left over in future weeks to fill a million picture galleries. 😉
An unexplained mystery has fallen upon the gleaming corridors of Reflection. An unresting entity walks amongst the living. To see him is to glance into the eye of madness itself. The Ghost Of Reflection. He appears to those of weak heart and fragile mind. If you see him, it’s already too late. You are already dead. In the heat of battle, the ghost appears. Your heart freezes up whilst your body slumps to the floor, cold and lifeless. No one is safe. No moment is safe.
You Know How It Ends
So, you’ll still reading down this far? Congratulations. Our internal research shows that only 12% of players actually make it to the very end. And only 15% of those players finish the last sentence. The relationship between you and us? It’s over. It’s not me, it’s you. We’re sick of you and your reading and eyeballin’. We’ve had enough. Daddy Urk’s gonna come back and beat all of you up. With words. Bigger words than you’ve ever seen.